2013 It Was...

2013 it was...
an interesting year
full of struggle,
of worry,
and learning about myself.

On the last day of 2013, I want to write about the loneliest year of my life. My mother died on November 29, 2012 and for the past 13 months and two day I have felt both her absence and her presence. I have felt her absence when going through her clothes and giving them to charity. Perhaps it was too soon to give the things away, but I felt I had to clean out her closet and give the things  to someone who could use them. I did keep two of her dresses because she painted decorations on them when she was a fashion painting instructor before the Alzheimer's disease stole her memory and her talent.

I felt Mom's presence when she came to me in my dreams. I felt her presence in the memories that going through her things brought back to me. I felt her presence with I found her pink prayer beads, which I am wearing today. I felt her  presence when I wrote poems about her and the grief I felt at not having her here physically. I knew Mom's soul was in a better place, but that did not alleviate the grief I felt at losing her.

2013 it was...
a lonely year
living in Mom's house
and not wanting to do anything
except cry.

I enjoyed going to the grocery store this morning

Grocery shopping
used to be a painful chore,
but not anymore.

I went to the grocery store this morning and, to my surprise, enjoyed the experience. Normally, it's not much fun and walking all over the store looking for stuff is painful. This morning was different and I'm not sure why. I didn't get what I went in for because they were out of fruitcake; however, that's all right because I probably didn't need a fruitcake anyway.

I didn't get eggs,
I bought hot chocolate mix
for cafe mocha.

I now have everything I need for my New Year's Day dinner. When I went to the store last week, I bought a pound of whole bean Kona coffee and today I purchase two containers of hot chocolate mix so now I can have cafe mocha on New Year's Day.

Hot cafe mocha
drives away the New Year's chill
warms body and soul.

On the Last Sunday in December 2013

On the last Sunday in December
a flock of black birds
congregated
in the gutter across the street.

The pecked at the remains
left by yesterday's
garbage trucks
and then flew away
wheeling
toward the Las Vegas strip
and a more
substantial meal.

Saturday Review a Haibun-Haiku

Saturday morning
the trashcan rolled to the curb
moon shining through clouds

I rolled the trashcan to the curb between 5:00 and 5:30 am and, as I was returning to the house, I looked up at the moon. The crescent (either the waxing or waning) was shining through gray clouds, which explains why it seems so cold chilly this morning.

fresh dark silk coffee
its hot smooth heavenly taste
warms aching fingers

When I came back inside, I poured myself a cup of hot and fresh coffee. The heat from the coffee cup warmed my arthritic joints, so that I could use the keyboard without difficulty. Then I sit down at the computer, I logged into writing.com to check my e-mail and respond to any reviews. The next thing I did was update my Facebook status and after that I went back to writing.com to post an entry in my blog.

Facebook addiction
numerous status updates:
Am I wasting time?

The entry for Snow Melt discussed the possibility fact that I'm addicted to updating my Facebook status. Therefore, for the next 365 few days I am attempting to update my status only twice a day. I do not know if this will work because if my mind is not occupied when I am online then I go to Facebook and update my status or check the responses to my last update.

Reflections on a Thursday Afternoon

looking at the year
and at the difficulties
achieving my word count goal

I have to take a new approach when it comes to achieving my word count goal. I do the same writing activities month after month without achieving the goal consistently. The only month that I consistently achieve the goal for 30 days straight is in November during NaNoWriMo. In November, I climb out of my writing rut and focus on the chapters of the novel.

writing in a rut
repeating the same actions
over and over

After NaNoWriMo passes I return to the rut, I start performing the same actions over and over without successfully achieving my word count goal. Therefore, I have decided to take a different approach in the coming year. Each week, I intend to submit my goals to writing.com forum Weekly Goals, which I have did for the past six or eight weeks. I am still having difficulty with consistency, but it is less then before I began posting my goals in that forum.

change is difficulty
requires climbing out of ruts
sometimes more then once

The next change I intend to make is moving my focus from blog entries to short stories, poems, and novels. This requires me to change the way I make blog entries or stop updating one of my blogs. Since I have no intentions of stopping the blog entries, it means that I have change the way I make the entry. At this point, every other day blog entries appears to be the best was to handle this situation.

Christmas Day 2013

Nightingale singing
outside my kitchen window
Las Vegas Christmas

It's Wednesday, December 25. 2013, a bright and beautiful Christmas morning in Las Vegas. I just went into the kitchen to heat me up another cup of leftover coffee and I heard a nightingale singing in my backyard. I stood in front of the microwave watching my coffee heat and listening to the bird sing. After the coffee finished heating, I took the wet clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer.

Garbage trucks rolling
through the neighborhood even
on a holiday

I rolled the trash to the curb about 4:30 am this morning. I know I should have taken it  out last night, but that would not have given me the incentive to say up after the alarm sounded. The trucks rolled by my house about 6:30 am again today.  They did the same thing last week, so winter must give them the incentive to get the work accomplished early.

Written on my 67 bithday December 24, 2013

It's been a truly awesome 67th birthday. I received birthday greetings on Facebook and writing.com. My sister came over today and she bought me a small ham, some bananas, and bread for my birthday. I found my mother's pink prayer beads when we were getting some stuff ready for her to take to storage.

The best thing that happened today was finding the prayer beads. I've been looking for those beads ever since my mother's death on November 29, 2012. Now that I've found them, I'll put them in the leather medicine bag a friend made me several years ago. I keep my prayer beads in that bag because I can find them easily. I can also find the bag when I put it in my purse.

Finding those prayer beads is the best birthday present anyone could have given me. I remember Mom using them before the Alzheimer's disease took her memory away. Every time I look at them or use them from now on, I will remember Mama.

A Bird Outside My Window: A Poem

There's a bird outside my window
singing happily,
he must not feel cold,
so perhaps my chilly feeling
comes from being old
rather then the cold.

Turismo de Puerto Rico

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Monday Morning Thoughts on Coffee, Buttermilk, and Bananas

It's Monday morning again! I had difficulty getting up off the couch (all right maybe I need to consider purchasing a real bed). After about five or ten minutes I managed to get up turn off the alarm and take my first medication tablet (I have to take it on an empty stomach).

I finally got up started the coffee brewing and poured myself a glass of buttermilk. I took out the trash, finished or put away the dishes, and poured myself a cup of coffee. I then turned on the computers and started the virus detection scan on one. After that I ate a banana, took my second morning medication (age has its disadvantages), and poured myself another cup of coffee.

I think buttermilk, coffee, and bananas make a good first breakfast. I still have a banana left, so perhaps when I make oatmeal for my second breakfast I'll put a banana in it. I find that having two breakfast of a morning helps me warm up in winter.

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On the Eve of My Birthday: A Poem

It's odd,
but I don't remember
Las Vegas winters
being this cold.

I check the thermostat,
it reads
56 degrees;
that's not cold.

I check weather.com
and it tells me
the morning temperature outside
is around 43 degrees,
but it felt warmer
when I took out the trash.

Maybe
it's my upcoming birthday;

I'll turn 67
on December 24.

I need a vacation,
to a tropical paradise
where I can sit on the beach
watching the waves roll in
and forget about the
cold chilly
desert winters.

Turismo de Puerto Rico

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2013 is winding down

There are nine days left in 2013 and I'm getting tired of all the crap and negativity. I'm seriously considering unfriending several people on Facebook in 2014 because of the negativity. I'm also going to git rid of the negative element in my personal life. I'm looking for positive things that I can add to my life and positive people I can add to my list of friends.

I'll be 67 years old on December 24 and dealing with negativity and crap is becoming more difficult all the time. I dislike my own negative thoughts and am working on becoming more positive. I have decided that if I want to be positive then I have to deal with positive people most of the time. I can handle a little negative without it effecting me, but after a while it becomes too much and I start reacting negatively. I don't like reacting negatively to negative people or situations because it just make matters worse.

I've been thinking about this subject for several days; however, for some reason today was the day the negativity became too much. Perhaps it's a reaction to my upcoming birthday and the realization that I'm not getting any younger. I also suspect that negativity has a detrimental effect on my health. Since I'm going to attempt to take charge of improving my health in 2014, I also think I should take charge of getting rid of the negativity in my life.

I'm also going to try making my writing a little more positive. I may have to make an exception if one of my characters is negative, but otherwise I can work toward making some of my work positive. I know that the world is full of bad and negative events, so I do have to put some of that in my writing. However, I don't have to focus on everything that negative.

Thoughts on a Dying Year

It's Winter Solstice and there are ten more days in 2013. The year is passing swiftly, soon the New Year of 2014 will make its appearance. Most people will be celebrating and making resolutions. I won't be celebrating because I don't celebrate a New Year until March 21, which is Naw-Ruz.

What I will be doing in January, February, and most of March is deciding on the goals I want to make on March 21. It's been a tough year and I need to focus on spiritual and financial matters. This means I have to get all my debts together, figure out a way to pay them off, and find a part time job to increase my income. I have to set a fixed amount for contributions, I have to decide on the scripture book or rather books I want to read, and I have to come to a firm decision on my daily word count goal.

This is a lot to do in only 2 1/2 months, but I have to do it because I have to stop drifting. Drifting maybe an overstatement, but I feel that for the last several months I've been float in an ocean, pushed by the currents or the winds. I'm  tired of the feeling and I need to focus on what I want to do with the rest of my life, which is an odd thing to write at 66 almost 67.

Right now, the only thing I really want to do is write, but that could change over the next few weeks. I expect to move into a new place soon. A place that  is smaller, easier to take care of, and cheaper to live in. This will give me more money to work with during the coming months.

An old year is dying,
a New Year is being born,
it's time for a change
in attitude.

Friday afternoon and I still haven't finished the chicken soup

I don't think it should take two day to make chicken soup, but then I'm working with only a microwave and an electric skillet; maybe it would take less time if I used a real stove. It would also take less time if I had all my ingredients on hand before I started making the soup. I had to go to the store this morning for carrots and an onion, which I didn't have yesterday when I started the soup.

I have the rest of the 5 lb. bag of potatoes cooking or rather sitting in the microwave waiting for me to check to see if they're done. I know I don't need 5 lbs. of potatoes to make this soup, but I had to cook them before they started growing in my kitchen. I still have to finish cleaning my electric skillet before I put everything together and heat it in the skillet.

I didn't realize how disorganized I was until I started fixing the soup. I don't every remember homemade soup taking this long to make, but then 2013's been a weird year. I'm still in the Mom's house and I'm still looking for a place to move. I don't think there is any use in writing what else is wrong because it would turn this entry into a rant. I'll just close this entry by saying that it's been a long day and it's going to be a long night.

All Day in the Kitchen

I spent all day in the kitchen
cooking my fingers to the bone
and what thanks to I get
especially since I am alone.

Now I know how my Grandma Mary felt when she cooked all day on Christmas Eve or New Year's Eve. I spent all morning cooking chicken leg quarters and then I spent the afternoon cooking green pepper and potatoes for soup. Now all I have to do is mix the soup ingredients together in the electric skilled and I will have green pepper and potato chicken soup.

I'm going to put all the soup making in the refrigerator until Friday or Saturday because I think I need to purchase an onion and some carrots to go in the soup. I have to go out in the morning for gas and some other things, so I'll stop at the grocery store on the way home and pick up the onions, carrots, etc. to finish the chicken soup. Then I can have hot soup this weekend to go with my cucumber salad and chocolate pudding or chocolate cake desert.

Midweek Reflections on my word count goal and the New Year

I think I'll have to change my word count goal in 2014. Right now, the goal is 2,000 words a day and I'm having a tough time making it. I'm not completely sure what is causing the problem, so I'll have to look at the way and times I'm writing over the next couple of week.

Since I don't want to scrap the 2,000 words completely, I think I'll change to goal to a range of word. I'm considering making the word count goal between 1,5000 and 2,000 words per day because I know I can make the 1,500 word goal. The 2,000 is a stretch, which is why I made it in the first place; however, I'm encountering stress when I don't make the goal.

Writing and stress don't work well together. A little bit of stress is alright, but I've felt a lot of stress over the past week or so. I think part of the stress is coming from not making the goal on a consistent basis. Of course, there are other things in my life that causes stress. I've been under a lot of stress for the past year and I'm tired of it.I'll try the range of goals when I reset the goal on Sunday. If I exceed or make the 2,000 words everyday until January 1, 2014 then I will continue the 2,000 word goal next year.

Thinking too Hard

I have four poems I want to write for contests on writing.com, but I can't think of rhymes for three of them or a theme for the fourth. I suspect I'm thinking too hard and it's scaring my muse, which is no excuse. One of the poems is a form that I haven't attempted, so that may be one of the reasons I'm having difficulty with the rhyme and the theme.

It could just be a matter of relaxing and focusing on something else. I thought I might have found a theme this morning in the optometrist while I was watching the fish swim back and forth or up and down in the tank. Then I drew a blank at the internal rhyme necessary in the form. I'm not giving up, but I would like to finish  the poem before December 21 (the deadline for this week's entry).

December 21 is winter solstice, maybe that would be a good theme. The form I'm using is Irish-English and the solstice would be a good subject. I'm still drawing a blank concerning the first line. I think when I find the first line then the rest will come easy or maybe not. I'll just have to see how it  goes.

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Eight days and counting down

On December 24 at eleven minutes before midnight I will turn 67 years old or perhaps I should say 67 years young. I'm not sure whether I'm dreading or looking forward to this birthday. My life hasn't changed much in the past twelve months. I'm still living in the house I shared with my mother. I'm still worried about paying the power bill, the water bill, etc. I'm still a Baha'i and I'm still writing, which are the only two things that keep me sane.

I finished and won NaNoWriMo in November by writing 54,658 word novel called Midnight in Suburbia. This year, despite the fact that I don't celebrate Christmas, I've written several Christmas themed poems and put them in my writing.com portfolio. I think those are the only two things  that are different, but I could be wrong because I'm a bit depressed this afternoon.

I'm not sure why I'm depressed. It could be my upcoming birthday. It could be the outrageous power bill. It could be that I feel stuck, as if I'm in a rut that I can't get out of. It could be my health, which is somewhat worse then last year. I'll know more about my health after I've seen the specialist next year. My depression could be caused by almost anything.

Eight days
and counting down
to another birthday:
Do I need a night
on the town?

A Good Beginning to a New Writing Week

It's a good beginning
to a new week of writing;
today's "To Do List" waiting
for me to mark off
another accomplishment.

I printed today's "To Do List" off last night so that I could get an early start this morning. My morning started off with a burst of accomplishment. I dried the clothes I washed yesterday (I know I'm not supposed to leave them in the washer over night), started the virus scan on the other computer, fixed coffee, and then ate my first breakfast.After breakfast, I reviewed four items on writing.com and posted to a form.

The dishes are washed
and drying by the sink;
I still have to finalize
Monday's "To Do List",
I have to decide
whether to remain home
or go to pick up food.

I don't have to go to any of the food pantries tomorrow because I have plenty of food in the house. I went to one of the food pantries on Friday, December 13, and picked up a bunch of stuff. I fixed the breakfast sausage yesterday and I finished it off today, but I have ground beef in the refrigerator I have to cook. I'm not sure how I'm going to fix it; perhaps cook it all in the electric skillet and then freeze some of the cooked meat because there is too much for me to eat in one or two days. I will make a green pepper salad with cranberries or spicy guacamole as the dressing, I'll decide which one tomorrow morning once I feel how cold it is in the house and outside.

Saturday Review of My Week in Free Verse

A week
without printing my "To Do List":
What did I forget to do?

I think,
I took my medication
everyday.

I know
I didn't make my word count goal
everyday.

I remembered
to keep my doctor's appointment on Thursday afternoon,
to attend the Feast of Questions on Thursday evening,
and to go to the food pantry on Friday morning.

Because
I didn't make
or print a daily "To Do List"
I think I forgot
to do something;
therefore,
I need to make the list today
and then print it out
on a daily basis.

Another Year Almost Gone

Another year almost gone,
I look back
and wonder at what I've done.

What did I accomplish in 2013?

Tonight,
I'm not sure
if I accomplished anything,
but I know I must have
did something
worth remembering
during 2013.

Football and changing defences

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Midweek Reflections on Winter

I used to be autumn and winter's child
then arthritis pain
became my winter affliction
now I'm
spring and summer's child.

"Baby it's cold outside" is a good description of Las Vegas weather. I checked weather.com to find out the temperature and discovered that it is 50 degrees out, but feels like 48.  I'm tired of winter already and winter doesn't officially start until December 21 at 17.11 UTC. Right now, I don't know what time that would be in Las Vegas and I don't care.

I want to be warm again,
I want to walk in the summer sun
and worry about sunburn,
because I can put on enough sunscreen
to protect me from the UV rays,
but I can't put on enough clothes
to protect me from the cold.

Mornings are so cold that I can't focus on writing, so I struggle with it every morning. The only thing I can focus on is the cold, which doesn't help because then it seems colder. This morning, I started two poems and completed only one. Instead of review three items  on writing.com, I reviewed only one. I still have two more to go before I accomplish today's reviewing goal.

I'm not even going to discuss how many words I wrote this morning because I'm waiting for it to get warm enough for me to take a shower. That will cut down on my writing time and the word count I reach today. I may be up until midnight reaching my word count and I have to get up in the morning because I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

Syndicated Player and Videos

Check out the videos below.

I Wonder a poem about a dream

I looked into the morning light
and wondered
what happened in my dreams last night.

I remember walking down
a path of rose pedals releasing
their scent as I stepped on them

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I Keep Losing My Cellphone

I lost my cellphone again  today. This is the second time I've laid it down and forgotten to pick it up. Now I have to go back through the house and find it. There is no excuse for this because I have a little blue crocheted bag to put it in and then hang the bag around my neck.

I know I either left the phone in the kitchen or in the bathroom. When I do dishes or take a shower, I take the bag off and lay it down. The problem is that sometimes I forget to pick it up again. I'll check the kitchen when I go into make a cup of hot tea. After I put the water in the microwave, then I'll check in the bathroom to see if I left it in there.

When I leave the house, I put the cellphone in the bottom of my purse. I do this because I don't want to be tempted to answer it while I'm driving, but I do want to know if someone calls. Another reason is that, if I turn the phone off then I forget to turn it back on. Putting it in the bottom of my purse prevents me from answering it when I drive and I don't have to remember to turn it back on when I get home.

Losing my cellphone
is problem when I'm home
unless someone calls

Hot Soup and Hot Sauce

Hot soup
Hot sauce
Cold morning defrost

I don't think its as cold in Las Vegas as in other parts of the country, but it feels cold when you don't have something hot to eat. I made some chicken soup yesterday with garbanzo and sliced potatoes. These foods help keep me warm on cold southern Nevada mornings.I heated the soup up in the microwave and then added hot sauce to it when I dipped it into a cup.

On cold or chilly mornings (depending on my point of view) I like to eat soup out of a cup rather then a bowl. If I put the soup in a cup, I eat it before it gets cold. A cup of soup doesn't fill me up as much as a bowl, which means I have to get up more often, but the soup doesn't get cold in the cup before I finish eating it.

Saturday Review: Writing during the first week of December 2013

The first week of December has been interesting, hectic, and cold chilly. When I listened to the news this morning (which I normally don't do on Saturday) the meteorologist predict a slight chance of snow in the Las Vegas valley. It looks cloudy, gray, chilly, and damp outside, but I won't know for sure until I get up the nerve to go out and see  if I received a newspaper today.

a cloudy morning
foretells a chilly gray day
pain in my fingers

Because of the chill, the joints of my fingers hurt when I'm not using the keyboard. I think the exercise helps the pain the the joints, so I will attempt to work at the computer most of the day. I have to write at least 2,000 words today because I need to achieve that goal at least three days out of seven and I  have achieved it only twice this week.

post nanowrimo
accomplishing the word count
becomes difficult

I have written seven poems this week, with six of them being Christmas poems. The last poem I wrote was a tribute to Nelson Mandela and I am planning a commemorative poem about Pearl Harbor. I am working on a form poem I began yesterday and a short story I started a couple of days ago. Those items will keep my writing and thinking today, which will not give me any time to worry.

Two poems started

It's Friday afternoon and I have started two new poems. The first poem is free verse, with the title "The Rainbow Cries" and is a tribute to Nelson Mandela. The other is a swannet form poem and is titled, I should say the working title, is "The Dawning of Word Peace".

The swannet was created by Gloria Carpenter, a Canadian poet. This form is composed of three stanza made up of Italian quatrains and a couplet. The rhyme scheme is A1,b,b,A2, ... cddc, ... effe, ... A1,A2. The couplet is a repetition of the first and last line of the first stanza. I am having more difficulty with the swannet then I am the free verse poem, but then the only form poem I have written lately are haiku and senryu.

Thankful Thursday: December 5, 2013

Today I am Thankful...

1. ...for the Internet connection because I used it find out about Searchlight, Nevada. I am now looking at the mood in a much more positive light because I may not be as isolated there as I thought.

2. ...that I was able to use the GPs in my writing.com Gift Points account to purchase another 3-month premium membership.

3. ...for warmed over coffee in the microwave which tastes all right considering I heated it up in instead of making fresh coffee.

4. ...that I have a hand crocheted meditation blanket to put over my head when I sit down on the couch to meditate.

5. ...for the prayers revealed by Baha'u'llah because they are beautiful and help me through the day, the month, and the year.

6. ...that I have Oveltine to put in the dry milk I mix. The chocolate Oveltine makes the dry milk taste better.

7. ...for the heat radiated by my coffee mug because it alleviates the arthritis pain in my knuckles when I hold the cup in both hands.

8. ...that I can see a cloudless blue sky and the sun shining on the garage when I look out the living room window.

9. ...for hot dishwater because it alleviates the arthritis pain in my fingers when I wash dishes.

10. ...that the wind is not blowing today the way it was yesterday.

Midweek Reflections on Writing after National Novel Writing Month

National Novel Writing Month is over, which means I have to get back into the groove of writing 2,000  words a day without the 1,667 words per day that my NaNoWriMo novel added to my word count. This is always an effort, but this year it seems more difficult then in years past. Maybe this is an illusion because last December feels as if it occurred twelve centuries ago in a galaxy far away.

I am stressing out over things I should put in God's hands and not worry over. I am worrying about things I cannot control. I am taking remarks made by other people personally when that is not the intended. All of this is interfering with my writing and the accomplishment of my 2,000-word per day goal. I am depress. I am worried about where I am going to live after the sale of t his house finally closes.

None of that is helping me get on with my life. None of that is assisting me to rewrite Midnight in Suburbia or Scavengers. None of that is helping me finish The Typewriter, my 2012 NaNoWriMo novel. I did not finish The Typewriter because my mother died in November of 2012, so I put the novel aside. I left my 2012 novel sitting my my writing.com port without looking at it for over nine months and, even then, the only things I did to it was move it and some of the planning stories to folders.

Perhaps it  would help if I changed part or all of my daily writing ritual. All though I am not sure that what I do before sitting down to write can be called a ritual. That could be part of the problem, I got out of my old writing ritual and have not begun a new one. After saying a morning prayer and writing I feel more positive about accomplishing my word count goal. I feel that I can achieve the goal today, even if I have to stay up until midnight Pacific Standard Time.

December Monday Morning

December begun
with a bit of Sunday fun
morning prayers sung.

Monday morning arrived too early, I am still tired this afternoon. I waited out the morning chill, so now I have to go to the store before sunset. I have to get one or two items, but but they are important items. I cannot wait until my Social Security check hits the bank tomorrow, so I have to spend the cash I was saving for gas. Oh well, that is the way it goes.

Enough gas today
to drive to the store and back
tomorrow fill tank.

Diamond Breeze: An Interactive Experience for the Holiday Season

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Sunday Review: November and National Novel Writing Month is past

November over
National Novel Writing Month
2013 past

I survived November and National Novel Writing Month. I surpassed the goal of 50,000 words and I survived the one year anniversary of my mother's death. December has begun, I will be 67 years young on December 24 at 11 minutes before midnight.

The countdown begun
with twenty-three days to go
I ask God for strength

This is my first birthday without my mother and I am  unsure to celebrate. I know my birthday is something to celebrate because, despite my health problems, I am still alive and writing. I have worries, which I have placed in God's hands and I know the solutions to my problems are available if I can only see them.

Plan to write entries
at least every other day
depends on God's will.