2013 It Was...

2013 it was...
an interesting year
full of struggle,
of worry,
and learning about myself.

On the last day of 2013, I want to write about the loneliest year of my life. My mother died on November 29, 2012 and for the past 13 months and two day I have felt both her absence and her presence. I have felt her absence when going through her clothes and giving them to charity. Perhaps it was too soon to give the things away, but I felt I had to clean out her closet and give the things  to someone who could use them. I did keep two of her dresses because she painted decorations on them when she was a fashion painting instructor before the Alzheimer's disease stole her memory and her talent.

I felt Mom's presence when she came to me in my dreams. I felt her presence in the memories that going through her things brought back to me. I felt her presence with I found her pink prayer beads, which I am wearing today. I felt her  presence when I wrote poems about her and the grief I felt at not having her here physically. I knew Mom's soul was in a better place, but that did not alleviate the grief I felt at losing her.

2013 it was...
a lonely year
living in Mom's house
and not wanting to do anything
except cry.