Sunday Speculations - To Blog or Not to Blog that is the Question

I'm making an entry today because I've managed to mess up the every-other-day routine of blog entries. I'm behind on most everything because I let worry overtake me. When worry overtakes then depression sits in.  The only thing I seem to worry about lately is money and the weird thing is that by the end of the month I'm almost caught up. I always end up with on item that I have to put off for a few day, but somehow I always find the money for it. I'm not sure if that pattern will hold in September or not. 

The problem always comes down to the internet bill. I have my internet, landline, and television bundled. I've been thinking of giving up the land line, but that isn't going to make much of a difference. I decided to call my provider on Monday to see if I changing over to WiFi would make the bill any cheaper. That way I could get rid of the landline, get the WiFi and keep the television the way  it is. I can't think of anything else to do (well I can, but that means getting help from relative who's already helping me with the rent). 

Anyway the question comes down "To blog or not to blog". I once thought I could make money from blogging, but that hasn't been working out for me lately. In fact that hasn't been working out for the last year or so. I haven't even been able to use my smartphone for anything else except calling because I don't have any data. I get the phone minutes free, but I have to pay for the data. The problem is that I haven't had the money to for the data so it ran out about a month ago. 

I'm going to post this now. Writing about the problem helps overcome the worry and find a solution to the problem. I'll check my smartphone account to see where I can purchase a data card here in Las Vegas. I've been using the money I earn on surveys to put in my checking account, but I might change that to using that money to purchase data. 

Sunday Speculations on Poetry, Fear and Death

Death will take us all 

Eventually 

Fear is a 

Form of 

Death 

Fear stops the poet from writing. Fear kills the muse. Fear is not something a poet or a writer can afford to remain in the mind. This thought has haunted my mind for the past several days. I have been writing poetry, short stories, and essays for some time and posting them on a writers website. I even do a fantasy newsletter on that website, but that is as far as I have gone. I have not attempted to submit anything in several years. Last week I realized why. 

A few weeks ago, I subscribed to Poets & Writers magazine. On Friday, April 22, I received the May/June issue. I immediately began looking through it to determine which article I wanted to read first. I came across some websites for submissions and I immediately began feeling stressed, nervous and fearful. I realized then that the only thing that has been stopping me from submitting my work is fear. 

I know that I have issues with some  technical aspects of writing, which can be dealt with by consulting grammar websites or books. I also have a bad habit of attempting to edit a story in a document instead of printing a copy off to edit. This is a habit that I can break by printing a copy off as soon as I finish writing. When I edit online, I miss obvious typos. All right, typos are as obvious when looking at a computer monitor as they are on a hard copy. The typos I usually encounter concern words that are spelled right but are not the words I intended to type. 

Sunday Writing Speculations on the Second Sunday of January 2016

I survived 2015, so does that make me a year wiser or just lucky. For me, 2015 was an interesting and, somewhat, stressful year. It was not as stressful as 2012, 2013, or 2014, but there was little bit of stress because in 2015 I moved from a studio apartment to a two bedroom apartment. Also, in 2015 a friend of mine moved into the apartment with me so now I do not have to worry about housekeeping.

I know that 2016 will be interesting if for no other reason then it is a national election year. Elections years are always interesting, stressful, and, for me, creative. For some reason my muse finds national election amusing which I suspect is a good response to all the election rhetoric. At least, finding the process and political ads humorous helps cut down on the stress that always accompanies a leap year election.

I do not know who I am going to vote for because I am register nonpartisan. That means I am unaffiliated with any party and am considered an independent. I like being unaffiliated with any party because it lets me look at all the candidates from both parities in a relatively unbiased manner. All though, in this election, some of the candidates are making it damn hard for me to keep an unbiased opinion. Once the parties have decided on who is running in the general election then I will decide who I am voting for. I will not state that in t his blog because I do not think that is my own business.

Election year rhetoric
sometimes makes me laugh and cry
both at the same time.

That is my first election year poem. I will be writing a longer poem on this subject sometime in the next few weeks. I want to finish it before the primary election in Nevada. I am not sure of the date of that election today because it really does not matter to me when that election is help. I am more interested in the general election in November.

Sunday Writing Speculations: Overcoming Writer's Block - A Poem

Three days into the New Year
with new goals chosen
to overcome Writer Block fears.

What will the coming
days, weeks, and months bring?

Will I accomplish everything
that I have set out
to write?

All I can do
is put one letter after another,
building words,
phrases,
sentences,
and paragraphs.

If I keep writing on
then I don't have to worry
about Writer's Block.

Sunday Writing Speculations: What Will I Write?

What will I write? What projects do I have to finish? I contemplate these questions as I think about the coming year. I have three novels to finish and three to edit, but I haven't decided which I should work on first. I suppose the best place to start is the oldest of the six unedited or unfinished novels.

A New Year is a chance for a fresh beginning. A chance to begin new projects or finish old ones. Perhaps I'm over-thinking and making a mountain out of a mole hill (that is my Grandfather's cliché). I know I'm making the decision more difficult then it should be. This is something I've managed to do with everything all my life. I'm attempting to overcome this bad habit or change it. Perhaps it would be better to replace it with a new habit.

Instead of over-thinking, I need to be writing. I need to free write. Write out my thoughts as they come to me without worrying about grammar, spelling, or anything else. The advantage to using a computer is that I don't have to worry about figuring out my hand writing or bad spelling after my hand writing gets cold. As long as I spell words the way they sound the spell check will correct my bad spelling and, most of the time, catch my grammar mistakes.

What shall I write?
I will write what comes to mind
in 2016.

 

Sunday Speculations: Can I finish writing these form poems this week?

1. An ekphrastic poem which is a poem written about a work of art.

2. A Blitz poem has a total of 48 lines.

3. A diminished hexaverse has an interesting stanza pattern.

4. A monchielle poem which is composed of four five-line stanzas with six syllables per line.

5. A Lipogram poem which is a poem leaving out a specific letter.

6. A double diminished hexaverse another form with an interesting stanza pattern

I still have to do a little more research on these forms before I write more about them in this blog. I will decide later today which poetry form I will attempt first.

Sunday Speculations: The third week of November

The third week of November has begun and I am almost caught up on all my writing commitments except the NaNoWriMo Novel. I am not sure if I can catch up on that. The problem is that I cannot think of anything else to write on that novel. I can think of short stories and poems, but the NaNo novel is just laying on my mind like a piece of cement on the bottom of a lake.

I have to finish a song and reviewing some poems for a contest on writing.com. After that I can focus completely on the novel. Perhaps if I back of thinking about the novel I can continue working on the next chapter and then begin catching up. In the mean time I will write poems and short stories.

Sunday Speculations: Excessive Heat Warning

Excessive heat warning
Sunday and Monday

I plan to get a lot of writing and housework accomplished because of the excessive heat warning. Since my car does not have a working air conditioner I intend to remain inside my cool apartment. I may not be able to do this because no matter what I plan something always or rather almost always comes up to change those plans. However, this week I will do my best to remain indoors.

When I was younger (under 65) the heat did not bother me. It did not matter that my car's air conditioner was broken. However, that all changed when I turned 66. I am not sure whether the change had to do with my age health conditions or the increase in summer temperatures in the Las Vegas area. Whatever the cause I summer without an air conditioner is difficult to deal with. This is why I try to stay in during the day.

Evening temperatures are a little easier to handle. Most of the time I do not have a problem in the evening. True I drive with at least one window down, which sometimes helps deal with the hear. This year I have started putting bottles of water in the freezer so that I have something to take with me when I go out.

Severe weather alert
Another excessive heat warning
Temperatures rise past 110 degrees

Sunday Speculations: Contemplating a Short Story Plot

A new week has begun and I have a couple of things to finish before Friday, July 31. One of them is a science fiction story with the working title of The Search for Intelligent Life. I am not happy with that title, but it does suggest the plot of the story. The story must be over 1,000 words and I have written over 500 all ready.

In the second half of the story the main character is transported to a planet that does not appear to have intelligent life on it. In this case appearances are deceiving. I have to figure out a way for the main character to discover the intelligence that is on the planet. I think I will have her ship's Artificial Intelligent unit transport her to a beach located on the edge of an inland ocean or fresh lake. On the land side of the beach is a jungle.

The problem I am encountering is the descriptions. In the first half of the story she, the main character, had a conversation with the ship's AI unit about the lack of evidence of intelligent life on the planet. I need to figure out how she discovers the sentient (intelligent) creatures. I also have to decide on a title for the story. I do not like the working title, the only reason I used it was to keep me focused on the plot.

Sunday Speculations: The Host of Inspiration - A free verse poem

Another cup of coffee,
another line of verse,
perhaps a quatrain stanza
written in reverse.

Does writing in reverse,
require a mirror to translate
stanza, line, or verse?

I wonder
as I write this
where the inspiration
comes from
to pin
these lines I write.

My soul connects with angels,
a host of glittering muse
whose rainbow colored wings inspire
the word I write today.

I feel the hosts of inspiration
gather around me
as I describe
in line and stanza
the visions that meditation
whispered to my soul.

Sunday Speculations: Sometimes It's Easy to Write

This morning, before breakfast, I was happy and it was easy to write. Now, after breakfast, I am depressed and it is difficult to write anything. Why would a little thing like breakfast change my mood so quickly? The only answer I can come up with is breakfast. This morning I had hotcakes with blueberries. Since blueberries never darken my mood then it most have been something I put in or on the hotcakes.

I make the hotcakes almost from scratch. I used a mix that required one egg, 3/4 cups of milk, and some vegetable oil. Instead of regular milk I used coconut milk. None of the items I used to mix the hotcakes affect my mood and there was nothing in the ingredients on the side of the box that would cause a problem. Therefore, it had to be one or both of the other two items I put on the hotcakes. The only two other items I used was margarine and syrup.

The margarine I used was the same type I have used for years. I used a light syrup, which I thought would be better because it had less calories then the regular syrup. I did not read the ingredients on the syrup bottle so I do not know how much sugar or other sweetener was used in making the syrup. The sweetener could have been sugar or an artificial sweeter of some type. Both sugar affects my mood and some artificial sweeteners darken my mood. I think the next time I use something sweet on my hotcakes I will use honey.

Writing this entry helped. My mood is not as dark as a few minutes ago. I am still depressed, but not quite as bad as before. Unless I do something about this mood I will be fighting it all day. I think I will try drinking some more coffee and some water. At least, I know those two things do not have sweetener in them.

Sunday Speculations: Speculations on the past and the future

Another sip of coffee,
another whispered prayer,
can't you feel the excitement
wafting through the morning air.

Something good is bound to happen
before this week ends,
so open you mind to the possibilities
this positive feeling portents.

Happy Last Sunday in June 2015!

The year is about half over, it is time to review my accomplishments and resolutions. First I did not make resolutions on January 1, 2015, instead I wrote a 2015 To Do List. I have accomplished a few of the items on the list, but not everything. It really does not matter how much I accomplish as long as I accomplish something. I still have six months left to accomplish the important stuff on the list.

What is the important stuff on the list? For me prayer, meditation, writing, and a positive attitude is important. I have managed to write something everyday for the past six months. I have prayed and meditated everyday for the past six months. Everyday for the past six months I have struggled to maintain a positive attitude and fight off depression. Sometimes I have succeeded and sometimes I have failed. I will have to wait to see how I do with these goals in the next six months.

Sunday Speculations: Can I bake a cherry pie?

Can I bake a cherry pie? I don't know but I am going to try. On Friday, when I went to the grocer y store I purchased a frozen cherry pie because I wanted to try out the oven in this apartment. I have not baked a pie in a long time, which is why I got the frozen pie. The pie gives the baking directions on the back of the box, so all I have to do is set the oven temperature and time. After I try out the oven then I am going to use the top of the stove to fix either bacon or rather sausage and eggs. Perhaps I will warm over the chicken I have in the fridge with some sort of canned vegetable.

This experience aught to give me some ideas for stories or poems. I noticed that I have a tendency to use my surroundings and experiences in some of my stories. I noticed this when I reread a romance story I wrote last month. I used the apartment I lived in as the home of the main character. I am now living in a two bedroom apartment with a real kitchen in a separate room which will become the setting in some of my stories.

Sunday Speculations on June 2015

What will June bring into my life? Some of the things I know will happen in June are...

01. ...eating out with a friend on Monday, June 1.

02. ...picking up my eye drops prescription either on Monday, June 1, or Tuesday, June 2.

03. ...picking up my Senior Commodities allotment on Wednesday, June 3.

04. ...paying my rent online on Wednesday, June 3.

05. ...going to visit a friend at her home sometime between Friday, June 5, and Sunday, June 7.

06. ...going grocery shopping either on Tuesday, June 2, or Thursday, June 4. Probably on Tuesday if that's the day I pick up my prescription at Smith's.

07. ...a doctor's appointment either the second or third week in June. This depends on when the office gets my blood test results back and the doctor looks at it.

08. ...participating in writing activities on writing.com.

09. ...cleaning house to prepare to move sometime in July (I think). I'm supposed to be moving into a two-bedroom apartment with my sister. She officially semi-retires on July 1.

What else will June bring into my life? I'm looking forward to June to find out what other exciting things are going to occur.

Sunday Speculations: The Last Monday in May

The last Monday in May,
Memorial Day,
the day sit aside to honor
the sacrifices
of American soldiers.

On the last Monday in May
3:00 pm local time
is the National Moment of Remembrance,
the moment set aside
to breath a silent prayer,
or think about
those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Just a few thought on tomorrow's holiday. I remember my grandparents calling it Decoration Day as we drove across northern Oklahoma and southern Kansas placing flags or homemade paper flowers on the graves of family members who had served in the military. I remember commemorating Memorial Day on May 30 rather then on the last Monday in May.

Sunday Speculations: Another Mother's Day Without Mama - A Mother's Day Poem

Another Mother's Day
without Mama.

It's the third one
in a row
and it hasn't
gotten any easier.

Memories -
starfish upon the beach -
flow into my mind,
my tears fall,
and I whisper a prayer
for the progress of her soul.

I contemplate
the grave
that contains
her mortal remains...

A vision enters my mind
of Mama
and grandma
walking in paradise
beneath the Tree of Life.

Sunday Speculations: A Weird Encounter in the Supermarket on Saturday

I have a weird encounter in the supermarket on Saturday morning. I left my apartment between 9:00 and 9:30 am to go to the bank and deposit a check I had received on Friday. I went to the bank, deposited the check (I cannot use my cellphone to deposit checks), and then went to the supermarket, which is located a couple of blocks east of my bank. As I was walking through the aisle looking for croutons and other stuff, a woman stopped me. She ask me if I was on Medicaid, when I said yes she gave me her card, which was for home care and told me to call her with my Medicaid number so that she could see if I was eligible for home care services.

I am 68 years old with osteoarthritis in both knees. As a results of the osteoarthritis I sometimes walk like a zombie. This does not mean that I am incapable of walking short or long distances nor does it mean I am ready for home care. It means that I am much more careful and slower when I walk. I suspect the gal is running a can to get the Medicaid and/or Medicare numbers of the elderly. I am not going to call her and, even if I did need home care, I would not call the number without investigating her or her home care agency.

Sunday Speculations: Speculations on a Windy Sunday

Sneeze causing wind blows
Through the Las Vegas valley
A windchill factor

Don't you just love spring? The wind blowing through olive and other pollen producing trees causes you to sneeze. The birds don't seem to mind because the sing in their nest as the wind blows the boughs of the trees. People wear different types of clothes when the wind of spring blows because sometimes it is could and chills them to the bone. Sometimes it doesn't raises goosebumps and sometimes it is warm without a noticeable windchill factor.

Walked to the alley
Took the trash to the dumpster
The wind breaker helped

On windy days it's better to take the trash to the dumpster in the afternoon because all you need is a windbreaker to keep your arms warm. The problem with spring and the wind is that you don't know whether to dress for winter, spring, or summer. This means you have to keep one warm hoodie and a windbreaker out so that you are dressed properly. In addition, always wear an undershirt under the hoodie incase you have to remove the hoodie. A light blouse will do under the windbreaker, but you need a t-shirt under the hoodie.

Sunday Speculations: I Miss My Mother

Coffee cup empty
I live alone; by myself
No one to share my coffee

I miss my mother everyday. Everyday I make a fresh carafe of coffee in a 5-cup Black and Decker coffee maker. Monday through Friday I can make and drink the coffee without crying, but on the weekends I want to cry. I miss my mother most on Saturday and Sunday because those are the days we could sit together talking over a good cup of coffee. I miss having someone to talk to while drinking my Saturday or Sunday carafe of coffee.

I miss my Mother
I miss making and sharing
Breakfast and coffee

I miss having someone to make lunch for on Saturday afternoons or breakfast on Sunday mornings. Mom and I didn't always have a big breakfast or lunch, but we ate them together on the weekends. I miss the sharing, the laughter, and the talking. Sometimes it is difficulty to make a good breakfast or lunch because I cook for myself. It is much more enjoyable cooking for two people.

Coffee with Mama
Was always an adventure
Talking and laughing.

I'm tired of living alone. I thought I would be all right living alone. I have found out differently because I have no one to make coffee or cook for. I think I need to find another apartment and a roommate so that I have someone to share the coffee and the food.

Sunday Speculations: A Windy Easter Sunday in Las Vegas

The wind blows litter
along Sunrise Avenue
pine tree boughs waving.

It is windy. There is not much more to say about the weather today. The wind is blowing hard enough to carry litter down the street. I can hear empty soda or beer cans blowing in the gutter. When I look out the door, I can see pieces of paper blowing east along Sunrise Avenue. Every once it a while a gust of wind picks up large piece of paper and lifts it in the air. The sparrows are flowing low because the wind is strong enough to blow them off course if the raise too high. The pigeons are walking, but then the pigeons always walk looking for bits of food in the gutter, in the street, and on the side walk.

Wind and broken clouds
birds singing while children play
on Easter Sunday.