Considering the end of 2012

There are two days left in the year, 2012 the year the world was supposed to end is ending. There are two days left to accomplish any unkept resolutions made on January 1, 2012. It is time to make new resolutions for 2013.

The old year is ending and a New Year is beginning. That is the way it is with years and life. When one phase of life ends, then another phase begins and life goes on. We human beings have a tendency to focus on endings and not beginnings. We seem to ignore the lesson of the egg and the omelet.

To make an omelet you have to break an egg. When the egg breaks, it is the end of the egg, but the beginning of the omelet. You pick up a whole egg and crack the shell. When you crack the shell, you put the yolk and white of the egg into a bowl. The next thing you do is take a fork and mix the egg and its yolk together, which is the beginning of an omelet. After that you put the scrambled egg into a skillet or an omelet pan with other good things. The next thing you know you have an omelet. After the omelet is cooked, you eat it. The egg is gone, but the omelet nourishes your body.

The old year is ending and a New Year beginning. What will 2013 hold for humanity? What will 2013 hold for each individual human being? It holds a new beginning; as 2012 ends, then 2013 begins.

Nine days left in 2012

There are nine days remaining before the New Year. Nine cold days left in 2012. As sit in front of the computer, I wonder what I can do in those nine days. Five or six of those days are weekends or holidays, so that leaves three or four days to accomplish any business. That does not leave much time to accomplish very much.

On December 24 and 31, businesses may be open half a day. About the only things I can do on those days is to go the bank or fax something. I may opt to go to the bank on the morning of December 24 and see if I can get something rolling there. However, the way I am feeling today, I am not looking forward to doing anything until after December 25.

Perhaps I will feel better on Monday morning December 24, after all that is my birthday. Lately the problem has been getting up and moving before noon. I am not sure whether it is the cold weather, the fact that I am turning 66 on December 24, or my mother’s death. Whatever it is, I just cannot seem to get moving before noon. I have to figure out what is causing the problem before Monday.

A cold Sunday in Las Vegas

clouds cover the sky

snow covers Mount Charleston

the valley chilly

It is Sunday. I am drinking soup and attempting to keep warm. It is chilly because of the cloud cover. I turned the thermostat down to 60 degrees last week and then realized I could not stand the house that cold. I turned it up to 65 degrees, I may have to turn it up higher then that, but I hope not because it cost too much to have the temperature any higher.

Rain in Las Vegas and Mom’s shoes

It rained again last night. When I woke up this morning, there was water in my driveway. I took out the trash and the recyclables this morning and I did not get my feet wet. I found a pair of my mother’s shoes in the kitchen by the washing machine and I wore those shoes this morning.

Usually I wear my crocs when I go out. When I wear the crocs in the rain I get my feet, wet and wet feet this time of year are cold. Wearing Mom’s shoes give me comfort. I miss Mom so much, but wearing her shoes helps a little. I still have to get me a pair of shoes, but for now I will wear Mom’s shoes.

An Effort to do anything

I feel like I am walking through a fog. It takes an effort to do anything. It takes an effort to write. It takes an effort to do housework. I have so much to do that I do not know where to start.

Do I start in Mom’s closet? Do I start in the spar room? I have clothes in the washer I have to hang up, so I guess I will start there. After that what do I do?

I feel as if I am floating in an endless darkness with no anchor, but I know that is not true. I have God, so I have an anchor. As long as I continue to say prayers and meditate, I have an anchor. Perhaps the best thing to do is start somewhere. This morning I think I will start with breakfast. I have not been eating breakfast for the past few days, so toast and butter or jelly may help energize me.

A tired Sunday afternoon in Las Vegas

I am trying one of those nutritional drinks that the grocery stores sell. I have been a bit tired lately and I it is because I am not getting the proper nutrition. The last three or four weeks have been stressful and I have not been eating properly. Most of the time I have ate soup or nothing, so I can understand being tired.

Today I ate two meals. For breakfast, I had scrambled eggs and potatoes. For lunch, I ate chicken and potato salad. I think I need to cut down on the potatoes, but I will deal with that issue when I finish the five whole potatoes I have in the kitchen and the potato salad.

Another reason I could be tired is the wind. I went to the grocery store today. The wind was not blowing when I left the house, but when I got to the store it begun to blow. It was blowing worse when I left the grocery store to come home.

I can concentrate again

I can concentrate for more then five minutes. Because of the stress and dry heavies, my concentration limit was down to five minutes or less. I am tired and I have aches all over my body, but I can concentrate. I still need to call my doctor to make an appointment even though I think my biggest issue was stress.

My mother’s funeral was Thursday afternoon. I had to sit through the funeral service in a wheelchair. I believe my biggest problem was lack of food and my pain medication, the only thing I felt comfortable eating was soup. I am doing better now; I fixed a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and took my pain medication with that. I am still tired, however, I have not had any coffee today, so I will warm a mug of leftover coffee in the microwave and see if that help.

The Fog is Lifting

fog dissipating
from thoughts after Mama’s death
it’s a new normal

Mom died in the hospice on November 29, 2012. On November 30, we planned her funeral. I am still in shock; I do not think shock is the right word because of her health we expected this event. Perhaps numb is a better word because when I composed the December 1, 2012 entry for my writing.com blog last night I realize that I could not remember the date she died.

This morning, after putting a load of towels in the washer, I looked up the date on the papers we received from the mortuary. When my life finally gets back to normal, it will be a new normal. I will have to live the rest of my life without my mother. I will have to celebrate every birthday without her. I will be 66 years old on December 24 and this is the first birthday I will celebrate without my mother.

This is year, on December 24; my mother will not kiss me on the cheek and wish me a “Happy Birthday”. This year, I will have to eat my birthday dinner by myself. This year,... I am not sure I can go on with the list of things I will have to do by myself on my birthday.