The Fog is Lifting

fog dissipating
from thoughts after Mama’s death
it’s a new normal

Mom died in the hospice on November 29, 2012. On November 30, we planned her funeral. I am still in shock; I do not think shock is the right word because of her health we expected this event. Perhaps numb is a better word because when I composed the December 1, 2012 entry for my writing.com blog last night I realize that I could not remember the date she died.

This morning, after putting a load of towels in the washer, I looked up the date on the papers we received from the mortuary. When my life finally gets back to normal, it will be a new normal. I will have to live the rest of my life without my mother. I will have to celebrate every birthday without her. I will be 66 years old on December 24 and this is the first birthday I will celebrate without my mother.

This is year, on December 24; my mother will not kiss me on the cheek and wish me a “Happy Birthday”. This year, I will have to eat my birthday dinner by myself. This year,... I am not sure I can go on with the list of things I will have to do by myself on my birthday.